Confused, Frustrated, and Still Overweight

I've been a yo-yo on the scale pretty much my whole adult life. I haven't really done any structured diet plans, most times I just focused on measuring portions, keeping a food log, and choosing healthier foods. I've also relied a lot on exercise to help me lose weight because I love food, especially sweets, and it's hard for me to give up eating what I love. Every time I lose weight it lasts for 6 months at the most and then I gradually gain it (and then some) back. I lost about 20 pounds before our wedding and then I gained it all back during and after the honeymoon. I lost about 15 to 20 pounds again during summer and fall of 2011 but once Thanksgiving, Christmas, and our move to Houston came, I gained it all back and hit my heaviest ever. Every time I lose the weight, I tell myself I'm never going back to that because I hate how it feels, how I look, and what it does to my confidence. But, every time, I manage to gain it all back.

I was hoping that I would be able to lose weight while we were in Europe since I wouldn't have much to do during the day and we would be walking around a lot during our trips. I think I did maintain my weight while we were there, but I definitely didn't lose anything. It wasn't as easy to eat healthy and workout as I thought it would be. So far in Louisiana I have lost about 4-5 pounds but it's very frustrating that the weight comes off so slowly. I know that what I eat has a much bigger influence on my weight than exercise, so I've been focusing really hard on eating healthier. I'm still trying to exercise for at least 30 minutes 5 days a week to help speed up the process.

Here is where the confusion comes in. What is "eating healthy" and what are "effective exercises?" There is so much different advice on what to do to eat healthy and exercise to lose weight that I don't even know if I'm doing what's right. Some people say "eat fat to lose fat," "stay away from carbs and sugar," etc, etc. There's so many different opinions on what healthy eating really is. The only thing I'm certain is healthy is eating more fruits and vegetables. For some reason this is the hardest thing for me to do. I don't really like that many vegetables and have to force myself to eat them. I like a lot of fruit but I'm just not motivated to eat it. Sweet fruits just make me wish I was eating cake or cookies or ice cream. Even if I was getting 5 to 7 fruit and vegetable servings a day, what else do I eat? What type of bread is ok? What's the best meat?

When I get tired of thinking about what I need to eat to lose weight, I decide to focus on working out better. I like running (even though I'm not that fast) but then I read or see stuff saying that long bouts of cardio exercises aren't that beneficial for weight loss. I have a couple indoor exercise routines I've done (that include push ups, lunges, squats, jumping jacks, etc.) but if I'm to believe the people that say you need 60 to 90 minutes of exercise 5 days a week then those won't cut it. They're so hard I can usually only do 15 to 20 minutes.

Overall, I'm just really frustrated by slow progress. There probably isn't one right way to eat healthier and exercise effectively. I think I'm doing everything I need to be; eating more fruits and vegetables, less sweets, measuring portion sizes, drinking more water, and working out 30 minutes 5 days a week, but the fact that the weight is coming off so slowly is making me doubt whether what I'm doing is actually working or not. It's so hard to remind myself that I don't need to be "on a diet." That was one of my biggest problems before; I had the mind set that I once I got to a certain weight I could go back to my previous lifestyle and my body would just magically stay the same. But of course, when I did that, I gained it all back. I need to create a healthier lifestyle that I can keep up forever. I suppose since I'm going about it a different way, the weight will come off a little more slowly than I would like. Hopefully that means it will be a lasting change this time.

The hardest part is just sticking with it. I read this on Pinterest:

I've also seen a quote that says something similar to this: "Tired of starting over? Don't quit in the first place." I saw that on Pinterest also, but I couldn't find it to post the actual quote. I think this one describes me perfectly. Instead of having to start all over from an even heavier weight, I need to keep up the healthy habits I've created to maintain or even lose more. Easier said than done, but every day's a new day!

One of the reasons for this post is to help give myself more acccountability with eating healthier and working out. I've been posting my runs on Facebook with iMapMyRun as well. Hopefully, if I know my friends know that I'm eating healthier and working out more I'll think that they'll be expecting me to lose weight and look better so I'll be a little more motivated. You might have to read that sentence really slowly once or twice because it's kind of confusing, lol.

So, to help keep me motivated and give me that accountability, I'm going to do a very scary thing. I'm going to share some personal information that I wouldn't usually want people to know. Hopefully that will help me stick to a healthier lifestyle so I won't have to be ashamed of those numbers in the future. For now, I'm just going to post my measurements and a before picture. When we get back to Houston I'll start including my weight and BMI. I prefer to use only one scale for consistency.

Measurements
Bust: 37"
Waist: 33"
L Arm: 13"
R Arm: 12.5"
Hips: 43.5"
L Leg: 26"
R Leg: 26.5"

Now for the super scary part, here's a picture of me now:

I'm so embarrassed by this photo, but that is one of the reasons I'm posting it. I don't want to live my life being embarrassed by how I look. I want to be able to take pictures like this and like my body and know that I'm healthy. I know I'll never be super stick thin, but I also know I can look and feel better than this.

My goal is to reach and maintain 140 pounds. I know that you're supposed to make SMART goals and one of the main components is giving yourself a time frame. However, since I'm not "on a diet," there isn't really an end date. I'm hoping that if I just stick to these healthier habits that I'll slowly lose the weight and then be able to maintain it. Right now I'm barely losing a pound a week and I'm trying really really hard to make myself okay with that. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Anyways, when I reach and maintain my 140 goal weight for a year, I get to go on a $500 shopping spree! I know a year seems like a really long time, but this time I want to make sure I really do stick with my new lifestyle and not end up going back to eating unhealthy and barely working out and gain it all back, especially if I just spent $500 on new clothes.

If anyone else is interested in getting healthier let me know and we can help motivate each other and keep each other accountable.

Bye!